sticks and stones
by the blanket
Summary: CRACK. Dialogue. SasuSaku. “Doesn't make sense? Sure it does. Your Sharingan? Red. Your skin? Pasty. Clearly, you're albino. And, also, P.S, Sasuke-kun. There’s this thing called sunlight. Get some.”


**title:** sticks and stones  
**pairing:** SasuSaku  
**prompt:** albino  
**summary: **Dialogue fic. "Doesn't make sense? Sure it does. Your _Sharingan_? Red. Your skin? Pasty. Clearly, you're albino. And, also, P.S, Sasuke-kun. There's this thing called _sunlight_. Get some."  
**notes:** You all can thank Pina for this bit of insanity. Also, consider this a counterpoint to _chasing pavement_. Unrelated, of course, but well...clearly, my crack always comes right on the heels of my, as Ren put it "not-quite angst." :) I'm kind of glad for it, though, as I need to ger my CRACK!mojo back to help me write my bits of _TDG_, as well as a number of the _sixpence _requests, and the remainder of my long overdue gift!fics. So, consider this a jumping point.

This is for you guys, because for some reason, you're still reading me.

**disclaimer:** not not mine. AT ALL. :D

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"—and he didn't even have the decency to get me the right flavor! I swear, the next time I see his ugly face, I'll—"

"S_hut up, moron_. Your nonsensical ranting is making my head hurt."

"No, _you_ shut up, asshole! _You_ can't tell me what to do! You are _not_ the boss of me!"

"Clearly, your mind is still set to _toddler_."

"Clearly, _your_ mind is set to whiny, prickish, emotionally-constipated, _emo-kid_!"

"Come here and say that, dead last."

"_Gladly, _you—"

"What the hell is going on here?"

"O-oh! Hi, Sakura-chan!"

"Naruto."

"Hn."

"Hello to you too, Sasuke-kun. _Now what the hell do you two think you're doing_? You're both acting like emotionally stunted five year-olds—don't snort at me, Sasuke-kun, it's true! Except, wait, no. Actually, you're worse. Five year-olds would at least have gotten bored by now and forgotten about it. You two have been going for _hours_. _Quite frankly_, you're an embarrassment to your actual age-group."

"But, Sakura-chan! Aren't you always telling baa-chan that allowances need to be made because that bastard and I had difficult childhoods, and that since we were deeply scarred by amazingly traumatic psychological issues, we're not wired like normal people, and that—"

"And what did I tell you about listening at closed doors, Naruto?"

"…um, not to do it?"

"_Exactly._"

"Please don't smile like that, Sakura-chan. It's a little scary."

"Moron. Don't be scared of her."

"…uh-oh. Bastard, there's a better way to do this, you know—"

"Shut up, Naruto. _What_ did you say, Sasuke-kun?"

"You heard me."

"And why _shouldn't_ he be scared of me, Sasu—"

"Do I really have to clarify? You can't even—"

"HEY. YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TODAY, SAKURA-CHAN. DID I TELL YOU THAT? BECAUSE YOU DO. REALLY REALLY PRETTY. BEAUTIFUL EVEN. LIKE A RAINBOW, EXCEPT NOT AS COLORFUL. BUT YOU'RE STILL REALLY PRETTY. AND YOU SMELL LIKE RAMEN. WHICH IS LIKE, THE BEST KIND OF PERFUME EVER. IF THEY SOLD IT, I WOULD BUY EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE BECAUSE IT SMELLS SO GOOD. JUST LIKE YOU. YEAH. SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND ALL-KNOWING, AND INTIMIDATING, AND _FIERCE_—YOU ARE ALSO LOVELY AND FRAGRANT. HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT TODAY? BECAUSE YOU ARE, AND SASUKE'S AN IDIOT WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT."

"…er, _thank you _Naruto. Really, you're sweet. But, um, I'm pretty sure we had a talk about volume control earlier this week. Remember? After—"

"_Moron_. I know exactly what I'm saying. And, was that necessary? My eardrums are still ringing."

"_So._ You're really on a roll, Sasuke-kun. First you very _rudely_ interrupt me—"

"I thought you were done."

"—and now, you're disagreeing with Naruto's _glowing_—and totally _accurate _description of me, besides the bit about ramen, of course—and therefore, calling me _ugly_."

"I didn't say that. But now that you mention—"

"HE WAS NOT SAYING THAT AT ALL, SAKURA-CHAN. DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? SASUKE'S AN IDIOT AND HE THINKS YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE—"

"_Shut up_, Naruto, the grown-ups are talking right now. Now. Finish your sentence, _Sasuke_-_kun_."

"Gladly. As I was saying, you're not ugly. Just…._mismatched_."

"…I'm_ mis_—I'm _mismatched_? What the hell does that even _mean_? Do you want to explain yourself?"

"Your hair is pink, and your eyes are green—what's there to explain?"

"Why, you! You…you…_albino!_"

"UM. WHAT?"

"_Albino_? I'm an albino. That doesn't even make sense."

"Um, actually, it absolutely does. Your _Sharingan_? Red. Your skin? Pasty. Newsflash, Sasuke-kun. There's this thing called _sunlight_. Get some."

"You know, she's got a point."

"Shut _up_, Naruto."

"Why does everyone keep saying that to me?"

"Whatever. I've got to go. I have _lives_ to save. Naruto, keep on keeping on. Sasuke-kun, call me when when you decide you want to stop being such an incorrigible ass."

"Bye, Sakura-chan!"

"Whatever."

"Oh God, she's scary. Well...now what? And by the way, you're an idiot. Just thought you should know."

"Hn."

"...Hey, Sasuke?"

"What?"

"I know you think she's hottest when she's mad—"

"_Ahem._ What nonsense are you spouting now?"

"Jounin party. Three months ago. After three shooters, you were _done_. Lightweight, what kind of self-respecting—whatever, it happened in the mission lounge. Give it up, man—everyone knows. Kiba and I have a pool going for when you actually remove that stick from the vicinity of your ass and just talk to her. _Normally, _instead of letting your repressed!avenger hormones do your talking for you, and pissing her off just so you can see her—what was it you said_—in all her feminine glory."_

"I really don't—"

"Look, all I'm saying is that there are other ways to see her angry. Like, _oh, I don't know_. Watching her yell at someone else, maybe?"

"Moron."

"You used that already. I'm going to go train. I'll see you later."

"Hn."

"And Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Well, uh. You know. Sakura-chan was right about the sunlight thing. You, uh, might wanna think about giving it a try."

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That sounded better in my head. D:

Review please?


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